The nightmares continue. When they happen you have to get out of your bedroom to try and feel safe. Then, many times you can't go back to sleep. If you're lucky, you get maybe 2 hours of sleep a night.
It feels at times like the list of triggering stuff gets longer and longer. Is there ANYTHING that isn't violently
triggering? On bad days, we just stay home and try to feel safe. Because nobody else will do it for us.
More of a break, and then try to go out.
Showing posts with label sugar. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sugar. Show all posts
Friday, February 6, 2015
Monday, May 27, 2013
Does This Happen to You?
It's a holiday, so you'd think it would be just nice and enjoy the sun. However, it's a lot of emptiness and depression. No matter what you do or how you try to ground yourself, they're still there. On the other hand, we haven't slipped for a few days now and gone back to triggering and dissociating stuff to escape pain.
If you have lots of junk in your diet, you dissociate and hallucinate. If you don't and feel clean for a while, you still do these. Why? Is it because a long history of abuse (in every sense of the word) has permanently messed up my system? Just when you think you have some stability, violent flashbacks and lucid dreams happen. I don't know.
You try to have at least ten seconds of focus. No violent symptoms. Just be able to focus on right now.
I have no tolerance for chemicals. A candy bar or a piece of cake? Can't have them. They're too triggering.
Just focus on not dissociating. Do you really want to vanish literally for a week at a time? No I don't.
It's not my fault.
If you have lots of junk in your diet, you dissociate and hallucinate. If you don't and feel clean for a while, you still do these. Why? Is it because a long history of abuse (in every sense of the word) has permanently messed up my system? Just when you think you have some stability, violent flashbacks and lucid dreams happen. I don't know.
You try to have at least ten seconds of focus. No violent symptoms. Just be able to focus on right now.
I have no tolerance for chemicals. A candy bar or a piece of cake? Can't have them. They're too triggering.
Just focus on not dissociating. Do you really want to vanish literally for a week at a time? No I don't.
It's not my fault.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Working for Some Focus
Another almost sleepless night of nightmares and acute body pain. Also, vivid and terrifying sensations about being raped. I keep trying to remind myself, the psycho rapists aren't there. Yet, the body pain is.
Now, just trying to keep some sense of focus and balance. Some formerly favorite foods are just way too triggering. How do we cook without this stuff? You can do it, and in some cases actually save money. Which is one way to look at it.
As for symptoms and other problems, we just try to bear in mind that it's not our fault. As terrifying as this is, none of it is abnormal in any way. If others choose to say and do horrible stuff (emphasis on choice), I'm not responsible for that. On the other hand, I am responsible for protecting my health and self esteem. Which I will continue to do.
If you check the map on our opening page, you can see the global reach of this blog. We're now in almost all 50 states and almost 50 countries. Others at times ask, why continue to speak out? The answer is a basic human need to be heard. Nobody asks to be traumatized and then ignored. As long as it's not a threat to either my safety or someone else, I'll keep doing this.
Tip for the day. Try to lower the acidic content in your diet. I can't scientifically prove it. But in my case lowering it to help your p/h balance helps to control PTSD symptoms to an extent. You still have bad days with emptiness, feelings of abandonment and more. Despite that, just keep in mind that you're telling the truth. And that's all that matters.
Now, just trying to keep some sense of focus and balance. Some formerly favorite foods are just way too triggering. How do we cook without this stuff? You can do it, and in some cases actually save money. Which is one way to look at it.
As for symptoms and other problems, we just try to bear in mind that it's not our fault. As terrifying as this is, none of it is abnormal in any way. If others choose to say and do horrible stuff (emphasis on choice), I'm not responsible for that. On the other hand, I am responsible for protecting my health and self esteem. Which I will continue to do.
If you check the map on our opening page, you can see the global reach of this blog. We're now in almost all 50 states and almost 50 countries. Others at times ask, why continue to speak out? The answer is a basic human need to be heard. Nobody asks to be traumatized and then ignored. As long as it's not a threat to either my safety or someone else, I'll keep doing this.
Tip for the day. Try to lower the acidic content in your diet. I can't scientifically prove it. But in my case lowering it to help your p/h balance helps to control PTSD symptoms to an extent. You still have bad days with emptiness, feelings of abandonment and more. Despite that, just keep in mind that you're telling the truth. And that's all that matters.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Free Global Coping Methods
It is Friday (at least in this time zone). How's your weekend looking? Right now, here it's stay away from all triggering stuff as much as possible. Lately, I feel like I'm about six steps ahead of the world. Which can be a trememdous timesaver.
I'm still struggling with abandonment and other PTSD symptoms. No word about the potential new therapist. You feel at times like you're literally paralyzed with despair. I didn't ask for this. I don't want to hurt either myself or anyone else. Why then do I feel like nobody cares?
You don't want to turn into some horrible burned out person. You're not trying for perfect 24/7 bliss. Just a sense of balance.
Another part of it is struggling with the idea of I can save the world from all of the evil people. It would be great, but you can't do it. This means your health comes first. Then, deal with selective activism.
As I switch and try to stay away from triggering stuff (old favorite foods and other things), staying off of caffeine and sugar seem to be the two biggest improvements. Now, meditation is actually easier at times.
If you have sharp intuition, it can feel like you're getting bombarded with stimulus. In a crowded place, it's like trying to listen to every radio station on your stereo all at the same time. How then do you filter this?
It takes practice. Try and focus on one person. For people with severe dissociating, it can be hard to not focus on the other person as you're talking. If that still happens, don't beat yourself down because of it. Instead, just build up your focus as you go. Build the conversation around a mutual interest.
Maybe that's one of the best tools to use. Whatever the trauma is, it's not your fault. Everyone has different things to heal from. The point is that right now you're trying to cope as best you can.
Fear, abandoment, dissociating and all the other symptoms are still there. On the other hand, I'm really working on taking things in small 10 second splits. Keep in mind though that none of it is your fault. None of this is "abnormal" in any way.
Back to work.
I'm still struggling with abandonment and other PTSD symptoms. No word about the potential new therapist. You feel at times like you're literally paralyzed with despair. I didn't ask for this. I don't want to hurt either myself or anyone else. Why then do I feel like nobody cares?
You don't want to turn into some horrible burned out person. You're not trying for perfect 24/7 bliss. Just a sense of balance.
Another part of it is struggling with the idea of I can save the world from all of the evil people. It would be great, but you can't do it. This means your health comes first. Then, deal with selective activism.
As I switch and try to stay away from triggering stuff (old favorite foods and other things), staying off of caffeine and sugar seem to be the two biggest improvements. Now, meditation is actually easier at times.
If you have sharp intuition, it can feel like you're getting bombarded with stimulus. In a crowded place, it's like trying to listen to every radio station on your stereo all at the same time. How then do you filter this?
It takes practice. Try and focus on one person. For people with severe dissociating, it can be hard to not focus on the other person as you're talking. If that still happens, don't beat yourself down because of it. Instead, just build up your focus as you go. Build the conversation around a mutual interest.
Maybe that's one of the best tools to use. Whatever the trauma is, it's not your fault. Everyone has different things to heal from. The point is that right now you're trying to cope as best you can.
Fear, abandoment, dissociating and all the other symptoms are still there. On the other hand, I'm really working on taking things in small 10 second splits. Keep in mind though that none of it is your fault. None of this is "abnormal" in any way.
Back to work.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
