Time to catch up. In the past few days, went to the job fair that was basically a waste of time. Many of the employers there (a small number) have lots of problems. One common one is being too cheap to have business cards. You're a major corporation or a startup that can rent office space downtown. Yet, you can't splurge on business cards? Weird.
Another appointment today, and a realization. I'll never have any support from the "immediate family". They're either manipulative, lying, delusional, or just want nothing to do with it. I can't control what other horrible people say and do. On the other hand, everything I'm saying is true, and that's all that matters.
Lots of despair and emptiness.
Showing posts with label emptiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emptiness. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
All In 10 Seconds
Staying home right now and time to write. Then to clean. After that, more tea.
Just got back from some morning shopping. And I actually turned down a lot of really sweet stuff. Do I really want about 100 packets of sugar in my system right now? No I don't. Instead, try to focus on some sense of balance.
One minute there's some sense of balance. Then, despair and crippling emptiness and abandonment. However, we're being told that none of this is abnormal in any way.
Screen everything. Set boundaries. We still want some sense of validation and relief from horrible pain. All in tiny 10 second splits.
Just got back from some morning shopping. And I actually turned down a lot of really sweet stuff. Do I really want about 100 packets of sugar in my system right now? No I don't. Instead, try to focus on some sense of balance.
One minute there's some sense of balance. Then, despair and crippling emptiness and abandonment. However, we're being told that none of this is abnormal in any way.
Screen everything. Set boundaries. We still want some sense of validation and relief from horrible pain. All in tiny 10 second splits.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Cloudy and Triggering
How's your weekend looking? Here, cloudy, cool and lots of triggering things happening. Screen everything, and if you have a bad feeling about something you're right.
Lately we've been dealing with how we used junk food, booze and other stuff to try and cope with the pain of being raped. The good news is that we don't do that anymore. Ok, as little junk food as possible. As for the other stuff, we really don't do that. This means at times it feels like emptiness is there all the time. On the other hand, facing trauma head on is a good thing.
There's also anger and trying not to get caught in dissociating with no way out. It feels like a bad dream that you can't escape. Does this still happen to you?
Back to covering bases.
Lately we've been dealing with how we used junk food, booze and other stuff to try and cope with the pain of being raped. The good news is that we don't do that anymore. Ok, as little junk food as possible. As for the other stuff, we really don't do that. This means at times it feels like emptiness is there all the time. On the other hand, facing trauma head on is a good thing.
There's also anger and trying not to get caught in dissociating with no way out. It feels like a bad dream that you can't escape. Does this still happen to you?
Back to covering bases.
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