Don' Let Your Guard Down

Another day of fighting symptoms. But also, fighting to not let your guard down. It's like any addict. If you're not careful, you can have a relapse. Do we really want to have a dissociative relapse? Then you have no idea of where you are. You have to fight your way back to having some sense of being grounded. This also means massive stress on your system.

Do we really want that?
Do we really want pain?
Denial will make things worse.
Don't dissociate.
Don't do it.
Do something else. Anything to not fall into that trap.

It's like all of our trauma pain is flooding out all at once. You have to fight back.

You don't have a choice. You have to protect yourself.

Don't fall apart.

Fight to Focus

Another night of almost no sleep. Then when you try to fall asleep, you have sleep paralysis. You're awake, but that's it. You literally can't move any part of your body. You can't open your mouth or eyes. It's like your entire nervous system is completely scrambled. Then you have to focus really hard to almost shock your system back into balance. This is just another sign that your trauma pain never goes away.

Now, don't let your guard down. Don't violently dissociate and black out. You have to fight back to protect your well being.

Because you have to.

Flashbacks and More

Do you still have flashbacks? Lately they've there. Sometimes torture flashbacks as well. Nobody bursts into the room to save you. The pain never goes away.

But you have to fight back. Do you still want to kill your torturers?

Pain is Always There

Fight symptoms and dropping your guard. Do we really want to destroy our sobriety? No.

You have to fight back. The pain is always there. But you have no choice.

Protect yourself.

Trying to Keep Some Sense of Being Grounded

Some days are high smog alert days. Triggering stuff is everywhere you look. This means you have to constantly screen everything to try and protect yourself. You have an addictive personality? You feel like you can't let your guard down without falling apart.

You try to get some sleep at night. But almost never do. Nightmares still happen. usually with no set pattern. The only common thread thru them when they do happen is it's like your worst fears hit you all at once. You have to fight back or you'll just fall apart.

Symptoms never go away. The pain never goes away. You feel like all the pain of your trauma history is flooding out all at one. Denial will just make it worse.

So you do the best you can to fight and try to keep some sense of being grounded. Many times though you feel paralyzed because lots of people who say they're concerned about us were never there.

Denial, abandonment and pain never go away. But you don't want to hurt yourself or anybody else. You try to cope as best you can.

Fight to Focus

Don't dissociate. Protect you well being as best you can.

Fight, fight, fight.

Pain and Symptoms

You have to fight back. You can't just sit back and do nothing. Don't dissociate. Don't let your guard down. This means taking lots of breaks as you try to go along.

Because you have to.

Symptoms and Exhaustion

Almost no sleep at all. You wake up and then ask, are we awake or dissociating? If we can't go back to sleep, then it's drink some tea and try to lie down and focus on rest. When was the last time we got a good night sleep? We can't remember.

Our tolerance for stimulants is gone. Salt, sugar, caffeine (even in small amounts) don't really help. That's one common problem of trauma survivors. Constant burnout. If you're not careful, it's a vicious cycle. You have to try and protect yourself as best you can.

Do we have an addictive personality? I've beaten seven to get to this point. But the pain never goes away.

Health is both physical and emotional. But also, just adding more medication doesn't help. UNLESS you absolutely have to take it.

You have to face your trauma history as best you can. As long as it doesn't hurt you in some way.

You have to fight really hard all the time to not dissociate. It never stops.

Protect yourself.

You Have to Fight Back

Everywhere you look, it's triggering stuff. Sometimes we have days with almost no noise. Why? Because you  just want to feel safe. In our own home. But when you go out, you always have to have an escape plan.

Our well being comes first. You can't take on your pain and the pain of the world all at the same time.

Protect yourself.

Don't Dissociate

Fight symptoms and don't dissociate and black out. Our appetite has gone down some more. Now at times small meals are a struggle. Also, scream as you fight to not black out from pain.

Protect yourself.

Symptoms and Exhaustion

Fight symptoms and constant exhaustion. Pay attention to tiny things in how you feel. We can do things in spurts. Then, sit and rest.

Our appetite has gone down some more. But we're not skipping meals. It's just how do you not inadvertantly starve yourself?

Protect yourself.

You Have to Fight Back

Another day of fighting symptoms. But you have to fight back. You can't just sit back and do nothing. You have to protect your well being.

Just sit and focus on feeling safe in your own home.

A Mix

The good news? The government shutdown ended. The bad news? There's still no annual budget. When was the last one? About 15 years ago.

A long day of fighting symptoms and relapses for salt and sugar. But you try and cope as best you can.

Set boundaries and protect your well being.

A Long Day

Fighting symptoms and exhaustion. But you have to. Don't let your guard down so you'll relapse. You have to protect yourself.

Stay well.

Set Boundaries

As best you can, protect yourself. Set boundaries as you try to face your history head on. Because you have to.

Nightmares have come back. Also, almost no sleep. Despite that, more medication will make things worse. You try and cope as best you can.

Stay well.

It's Going to Happen

As we post this, 2 1/2 hours before the govt. shutdown. Millions of people will be hurt by this. The politicians on the other hand won't. Almost all are millionaires who have the best job perks and health care that money can buy. Because they're rich and powerful, that's why.

As for the rest of us, a long day of fighting symptoms and exhaustion. We're trying really hard not to have a relapse and then lots of salt and sugar in the diet. That's a common problem that trauma survivors have. You always feel burned out. On the other hand, we don't want to be taking lots of meds every day and then constantly drugged out. That just makes things worse.

Protect yourself.

Triggering Stuff is Everywhere

Another day of cold, symptoms and lots of triggering stuff. Unless they stop it, the US government will shutdown at midnight Friday. Why do the politicians do this stupid stuff? Because they like money and power.

You try to be aware and care. But your well being comes first. Because if it doesn't, you can't be effective.

Protect yourself.

Symptoms and Exhaustion

Fighting symptoms and constant exhaustion. But what else can you do?

Message for the Day

It's not your fault.

Constantly Fighting Symptoms

Nightmares still happen. You then try to wake up, but you're still fighting to not dissociate. Sometimes you have sleep paralysis. You open your eyes, but you can't do anything else. You know your arms and hands are there. But your energy doesn't reach them. You almost have to focus and will your energy to circulate thru so you can move again.

Why does this happen? Why does almost no sleep always happen? Because pain is always there. Just taking more medication will make it worse. Which means focus and try to protect your well being.

We're not doing anything wrong. We can't save the world all by ourselves. But we do our best to protect ourselves.

Stay warm and well.