Fight to Focus

Another night of almost no sleep. Then when you try to fall asleep, you have sleep paralysis. You're awake, but that's it. You literally can't move any part of your body. You can't open your mouth or eyes. It's like your entire nervous system is completely scrambled. Then you have to focus really hard to almost shock your system back into balance. This is just another sign that your trauma pain never goes away.

Now, don't let your guard down. Don't violently dissociate and black out. You have to fight back to protect your well being.

Because you have to.

Symptoms and Exhaustion

Almost no sleep at all. You wake up and then ask, are we awake or dissociating? If we can't go back to sleep, then it's drink some tea and try to lie down and focus on rest. When was the last time we got a good night sleep? We can't remember.

Our tolerance for stimulants is gone. Salt, sugar, caffeine (even in small amounts) don't really help. That's one common problem of trauma survivors. Constant burnout. If you're not careful, it's a vicious cycle. You have to try and protect yourself as best you can.

Do we have an addictive personality? I've beaten seven to get to this point. But the pain never goes away.

Health is both physical and emotional. But also, just adding more medication doesn't help. UNLESS you absolutely have to take it.

You have to face your trauma history as best you can. As long as it doesn't hurt you in some way.

You have to fight really hard all the time to not dissociate. It never stops.

Protect yourself.

What Are the Rules?

Welcome to all of our new readers. As our regular audience knows, normally we don't talk about progressive politics. There are lots of other progressive blogs out there that are doing great and important work. But here the rule is stay away from that. UNLESS something happens. Which means you need to know what the rules are first before you break them. Now it's time.

In case you missed it, Oprah Winfrey was given a lifetime achievement award at the Golden Globes. This is traditionally one of the warmup award shows before the Oscars. The other warmup is the BAFTAs (the British Oscars). She made a nice speech basically talking about how important and powerful the truth is. While this is true, one thing that NOBODY else has talked about is the hypocracy in this.

Lots of women are coming forward and talking about being trauma survivors. Good for them. However, almost no one gives the same intensive coverage to guy trauma survivors. Why is that? Is it because pedophiles raping terrified innocent little boys is just too weird? Is it because the thought of gay sex is just like really icky in some way?

In todays' society, the rich and powerful want to hear the truth only when it fits their agendas. Richard Gere is a long time supporter of Tibet who continues to speak out. These people deserve to be heard as well. Yet, Gere is banned for life from presenting at the Oscars. So what's the point of going? Why? Yes Trump needs to be called out for the stupid shit that he says and does. But if someone like Gere tries to help people who need it, he's blacklisted. Why? Because China is the second biggest global market for Hollywood. Which means you keep your damn mouth shut, or you don't work.

Traumatized women are okay to talk about. Millions of traumatized Tibetans? Absolutely not.

Now the "standard" of covering politics in the States is now just hype, gossip and whatever makes the most money. Actual issues affecting millions? To hell with that. Which means the rich and powerful in control of this system just don't care. Which means we choose to vote with our TV remote and money. You want to be hypocrites? Go ahead. I'll go elsewhere and try to make things better.

Protect yourself.

Don't Let Your Guard Down

Screen everything as you try to not let your guard down. Do you really want to dissociate and literally vanish for hours? Not knowing where you are? No we don't.

But we know we're doing the right things. Triggering stuff is everywhere. Screen it all and do your best to set boundaries. Because you have to.

You Have to Screen Everything

Another triggering day with triggering content everywhere. You have to screen it all to protect yourself. We can get out the front door without dissociating. But you still struggle no matter where you go.

Yes, we can't singlehandedly save the world. But continue to be aware and care. Do what you can

Protect yourself.

Protect Yourself

Lots of triggering stuff is everywhere. Everything has to be screened. You have to protect your well being as best you can.

You can't singlehandedly change the world. But you can be aware and care. Despite that, the pain never goes away. You struggle and try to cope as best you can.

But the pain is always there.

The Pain Never Stops

Another day of struggle with symptoms and trying to regain some sense of chi flow and balance. Don't dissociate. Don't set yourself up to black out.

But the pain never goes away.
Other people who are horrible have to live with the consequences of their actions. Not us.
We did nothing wrong.
Don't dissociate.
Don't set yourself up to have a relapse.
It only makes pain worse.

You have to protect yourself.