It's Not Your Fault

Another day of struggle with symptoms, and occasional weird thoughts about raping little kids. However, the fact that those thoughts are there doesn't mean that I'm some monster. But it still bothers me, and I feel sad.

More appointments on the way.

Happy 2015

How was YOUR New Year's Eve? We decided to stay home and warm due to struggling with symptoms. Lately you almost feel paralyzed. You can't scream. You can't move. You don't want to black out. Which means stay in a safe place.

How do you protect yourself? One way is to keep in mind your well being comes first. There are always triggering things happening, and in many cases nothing you can do about them. You're not responsible for all of the pain in the world. I can't handle mine and everyone else's.

You have to fight back. It's exhausting. But what else can you do?

We're not a threat to anybody else.
I'm not a sociopath.
I'm not a pedophile.
I'm not a monster.

Some consolation? There are consequences for what you say and do, AND what you don't say and do.

We just want to feel safe.

A Lot to Do

Still struggling with depression an my other symptoms Despite that, we just try to focus and keep moving forward, protecting yourself in the process.

As we try to stay grounded, you have to be careful to screen everything. Weird triggering stuff can happen onlne at any time. If necessary, block and delete.

As others struggle with trying to heal from their trauma, one key for me is to say I can't deal with my pain AND everyone else's all at the same time. My well being comes first. As long as that's okay, if an opportunity to help someone happens, then I'll try.

Why do others who say they're concerned treat you horribly (when they know it's not your fault)? I don't know. Having said that, keep in mind that they have to live with the consequences of their actions. Not you.

Have a great day.