Fight to Not Dissociate

Another day of fighting symptoms. A constant struggle to not dissociate. Don't relapse and fall apart. It will only make pain worse.

Can't watch TV without the sound being turned down. Too triggering these days. You have to screen everything.

You have to protect youself at all costs.

Another Doctor Appointment

Went to see the cardiologist and his assistant today. Some medication changes and then another heart test in 2 months. After that, we talk about all options.

The good news is so far I don't have to have a pacemaker or any other surgery. On the other hand, my appetite continues to go down. That's one common side effect of the various meds I'm on. It's still really frustrating when you feel like you can barely drink any liquids or eat tiny meals.

PTSD symptoms are still there. I still have psychotic episodes at times. Despite all this, I know I'm not insane. I'm not a danger to anybody. Your symptoms are a reflection of the severity of your trauma history.

Protect yourself.

Fight to Stay Grounded

Lots of body pain and flashbacks. Also psychotic symptoms too. But despite that, I'm not crazy. I'm not a danger to  anybody.

You struggle to not turn into some burned out angry monster because of horrible treatment by others. However, they have to live with the consequences of their actions.

Protect yourself.

Fight to Not Dissociate

Lots of triggering stuff everywhere. Always exhausted fighting to not black out or violently dissociate. But it's not my fault.

Don't Dissociate

Struggled thru a rough day yesterday trying not to dissociate. Nothing to hide behind. Which means you're bombarded with pain. I really don't want to go back to addictions with lots of painkillers. Which means diet, exercise, meditation and other things to try and face your trauma history head on.

Also, Trump the Dictator isn't my fault. Be aware, make decisions based on facts and fight to make things better. But your well being comes first.

Bombarded with Pain

Nightmares, body pain and more of fighting symptoms. I don't want to go back to taking lots of meds and having lots of addictions again. Then again, while you can stay straight, they're always there.

You have to fight back. Some days feel half decent. Others have endless pain and psychotic thoughts. Despite that, I'm not crazy. I'm not a threat to anybody.

We just want to feel safe.

What's Causing It?

Another day with not only PTSD symptoms, but body pain as well. I can barely roll over, sit up and get out of bed. It feels like my lower spine is all pain. What's causing this? I know that health is both physical and mental. What is it?

Some form of arthritis?
Some form of cancer?
Trauma pain that's flooding out?
Severe allergic reaction?

I have to take heart meds and some supplements. I've started a new supplement to see if it gives some relief. On really bad days, EVERYTHING HURTS. Next month I'll try to get a specialist referral from one of my GP's.

You just want to feel safe.