Another rough start to he day. Fight to focus and feel like you have some sense of smooth energy flow in your body. Anger comes flooding out, and you feel like you're going to snap. How do you not do that in a crowded place? You still have to screen everything, because weird triggering stuff comes out of nowhere.
On the other hand, this is all part of a normal healing from long term abuse. Just try to keep your balance.
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Friday, December 6, 2013
An Overall Approach
Trying to stay warm with some nice herbal tea. I already did the shopping for the night. Besides, it's too cold for a late night fast food run. Stay comfortable.
As part of that, try to stay off sugar and other stimulants as much as possible. My physical tolerance is gone, and the tiniest amount makes everything worse. I still have to focus to not lose sensation in different parts of my body (due to adrenalin surges).
What causes this? I think it's backed up traumatic energy in different parts of your body. You exercise and try to keep a smooth energy flow. Yet you still have moments where you fight to not black out.
What else can you do?
As part of that, try to stay off sugar and other stimulants as much as possible. My physical tolerance is gone, and the tiniest amount makes everything worse. I still have to focus to not lose sensation in different parts of my body (due to adrenalin surges).
What causes this? I think it's backed up traumatic energy in different parts of your body. You exercise and try to keep a smooth energy flow. Yet you still have moments where you fight to not black out.
What else can you do?
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Time to Break Our Rule
While normally we don't talk about progressive politics in this blog, sometimes you have to break that rule. In case you haven't heard this news, Nelson Mandela sadly passed away Thursday night at the age of 95.
We all know that despite all of the trauma he experienced in his life, he still managed to forgive. How did he do that? I'm not sure. Then again, while every trauma survivor's different and heals at different rates, it's also up to them what they choose to do in that process.
When you can, just pause for a moment and then carry on.
We all know that despite all of the trauma he experienced in his life, he still managed to forgive. How did he do that? I'm not sure. Then again, while every trauma survivor's different and heals at different rates, it's also up to them what they choose to do in that process.
When you can, just pause for a moment and then carry on.
A Lot to Do
Still struggling with depression an my other symptoms Despite that, we just try to focus and keep moving forward, protecting yourself in the process.
As we try to stay grounded, you have to be careful to screen everything. Weird triggering stuff can happen onlne at any time. If necessary, block and delete.
As others struggle with trying to heal from their trauma, one key for me is to say I can't deal with my pain AND everyone else's all at the same time. My well being comes first. As long as that's okay, if an opportunity to help someone happens, then I'll try.
Why do others who say they're concerned treat you horribly (when they know it's not your fault)? I don't know. Having said that, keep in mind that they have to live with the consequences of their actions. Not you.
Have a great day.
As we try to stay grounded, you have to be careful to screen everything. Weird triggering stuff can happen onlne at any time. If necessary, block and delete.
As others struggle with trying to heal from their trauma, one key for me is to say I can't deal with my pain AND everyone else's all at the same time. My well being comes first. As long as that's okay, if an opportunity to help someone happens, then I'll try.
Why do others who say they're concerned treat you horribly (when they know it's not your fault)? I don't know. Having said that, keep in mind that they have to live with the consequences of their actions. Not you.
Have a great day.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Pay Attention
Normally we stay away from progressive political content. If you want that, there are billions of other blogs. Then again, once you know the rules you can break them to make a point.
We know that many vets have untreated PTSD symptoms. We also know that both women and guy vets are raped while on duty. In the past two weeks, four Canadian vets killed themselves. What are all of the reasons why? I'm not sure.
Despite that, this is yet another perfect opportunity to both educate and help millions who have untreated PTSD symptoms. The corporate MSM continues to perpetuate the myth that ONLY vets get PTSD. How then do you explain the ten percent of the Stateside population that have some form of it?
No disrespect to vets. But they don't have an exclusive lock on PTSD symptoms. It happens all thru society.
Whether you're a vet or a civilian, you deserve to be heard and treated with respect to be able to heal from something that you didn't ask for. Is drugging people so they'll shut up about having PTSD the answer? No, it's not. It's a combination of many things (medication is necessary, people who will respect you and take you seriously, and more).
How is your healing these days? I have no desire to go back to rampant alcoholism or kill myself. on the other hand, it's important to admit when those thoughts are there. In my case, denial isn't an issue.
This means that backed up trauma will come out. If it doesn't, then you have big problems.
Will the corporate MSM stop pushing stupid stereotypes so trauma survivors can heal?
We know that many vets have untreated PTSD symptoms. We also know that both women and guy vets are raped while on duty. In the past two weeks, four Canadian vets killed themselves. What are all of the reasons why? I'm not sure.
Despite that, this is yet another perfect opportunity to both educate and help millions who have untreated PTSD symptoms. The corporate MSM continues to perpetuate the myth that ONLY vets get PTSD. How then do you explain the ten percent of the Stateside population that have some form of it?
No disrespect to vets. But they don't have an exclusive lock on PTSD symptoms. It happens all thru society.
Whether you're a vet or a civilian, you deserve to be heard and treated with respect to be able to heal from something that you didn't ask for. Is drugging people so they'll shut up about having PTSD the answer? No, it's not. It's a combination of many things (medication is necessary, people who will respect you and take you seriously, and more).
How is your healing these days? I have no desire to go back to rampant alcoholism or kill myself. on the other hand, it's important to admit when those thoughts are there. In my case, denial isn't an issue.
This means that backed up trauma will come out. If it doesn't, then you have big problems.
Will the corporate MSM stop pushing stupid stereotypes so trauma survivors can heal?
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Trying to Keep a Sense of Focus
Lots of anger, frustration and feeling abandoned right now. We haven't snapped yet and attacked anybody (fortunately). It's a constant fight to not dissociate and feel paralyzed by depression. Going back on meds won't help. What else can we do?
Monday, December 2, 2013
Depression and More (Contains potentially triggering content. Read at your own risk)
I'm trying to keep my system clean as I deal with symptoms. Despite that, at times nightmares and other symptoms get worse. You have to shock yourself awake in the morning so you don't feel like you're cool and calm on the outside, and screaming on the inside. You feel bombarded with pain and flashbacks. Many times it's like bits and pieces that you don't know. On the other hand, you can't just sit back and do nothing.
It's not a matter of torturing yourself. It's a matter of trying to face your trauma history as best you can. As you do that, one minute it's pain. Then, almost crippling depression. Not to the point of wanting to off yourself or going back to anti-depressants that don't help (at least in my case).
All of the mental health sources that I trust say the same thing. Considering your long history of horrible untreated trauma, it only makes sense that it's flooding out now. If it didn't, then you'd have another breakdown.
Flashbacks happen, and you fight to not give into sick and twisted abuse and dissociative loops. What else can you do? As you do fight back, you have to be careful to not black out. By the end of the day, you're so wiped out you literally can't get up.
There's no long term illness caused by this abuse. No neurological damage in any way. Yet, I have to fight to focus every day. Even by doing the usual grounding techniques, many don't work.
What do you do then?
In my case, it's a long history of abuse, abandonment and fighting to no fall apart. Rampant alcoholism, addictions and severe illnesses. A serious junk food habit that only made things worse. Try roughly 300 gram of sugar a day. Endless gallons of caffeine, lots of salt and various other chemicals.
Now, I don't do that stuff anymore. The junk food is still a battle at times. But nowhere as out of control as it used to be.
We just want a sense of balance. Not perfectionism. But balance.
It's not a matter of torturing yourself. It's a matter of trying to face your trauma history as best you can. As you do that, one minute it's pain. Then, almost crippling depression. Not to the point of wanting to off yourself or going back to anti-depressants that don't help (at least in my case).
All of the mental health sources that I trust say the same thing. Considering your long history of horrible untreated trauma, it only makes sense that it's flooding out now. If it didn't, then you'd have another breakdown.
Flashbacks happen, and you fight to not give into sick and twisted abuse and dissociative loops. What else can you do? As you do fight back, you have to be careful to not black out. By the end of the day, you're so wiped out you literally can't get up.
There's no long term illness caused by this abuse. No neurological damage in any way. Yet, I have to fight to focus every day. Even by doing the usual grounding techniques, many don't work.
What do you do then?
In my case, it's a long history of abuse, abandonment and fighting to no fall apart. Rampant alcoholism, addictions and severe illnesses. A serious junk food habit that only made things worse. Try roughly 300 gram of sugar a day. Endless gallons of caffeine, lots of salt and various other chemicals.
Now, I don't do that stuff anymore. The junk food is still a battle at times. But nowhere as out of control as it used to be.
We just want a sense of balance. Not perfectionism. But balance.
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