Do Everything You Can

Lots to do at home right now. Then, maybe off to the bookstore to stock up on some new magazines. It sucks when you see the online version and they only give you two sentences of their cover story. For the rest (and to get past our pay wall), please pay $29.95. No thanks.

What's one of the hardest things to deal with right now with PTSD symptoms? Realizing that some people will never change from massive denial about being raped. I've done everything I reasonably can, and the parents will be in denial for the rest of their lives about me being raped, and the fact that they committed a serious crime by not doing anything about it.

What does this mean? They have to live with that, not me. It's not my job to psychoanalyze them or save them in any way. I won't be manipulated by a bully's massive denial of the truth. You have to set boundaries and protect yourself because nobody else will do it for you. I'm sad, but I know I'm telling the truth. That's all that matters.

The therapist appt. is in about two weeks. Meanwhile, it's protect your overall well being, find a new job, stop borrowing money and then get off benefits.

Why is it that many will never admit that guys and women get raped? You've heard the excuses:

The percentage is so low it's not worth even talking about.
The "feminist" answer: Men continue to have the power in society. So how could they possibly understand what it's like for women? And no, I don't give a shit what the fuck guys think about that.

These are various "experts" in mental health and just in general people that most would assume would actually know better. Yet, there's some unwritten rule that we just don't talk about that in polite society.

Guy survivors exist. Everyone knows it. Despite that, we'll fight you every step of the way before we stoop that low and publically admit that?

What does it take to be heard? Do I have to post a KONY 2012 style You Tube clip? If I did, would I instantly get 4 million comments on it? I've posted comments in various high profile sites. 98% of the time NOBODY responds. Of course, nobody has to do anything. Despite that, what does that say?

Understandably, many survivors aren't ready to seek help or speak out.
There's no way for the MSM to get ratings from this UNLESS it's yet another "shocking expose" about innocent little kids getting raped by a pedophile priest who we all know will never ever be prosecuted. But it makes for great TV.

I can post a clip about being a rape survivor, and maybe I'll get 50 hits. Meanwhile, Samuel L. Jackson can post a clip, say motherfucker and get 3 million.

Do we live in a 24/7 celeb megahype society? Or, do we live in a society that actually pays attention to its citizens?

Important Questions

How's your week? Into the weekend, and we're struggling with lots of despair and abandonment.

We came across something online recently that was hard to deal with. Just how severe has our dissociating been from being raped? Every single day from that point, we've had to fight really hard to not give into daily abuse.

Abuse from people who say they're your friends.
Immediate family.

Also, no support from various people in authority roles. I won't go into all the abusive stuff that they said, so we won't end up dissociating for about two week to try and get our balance back.

Having said that, how do you reason with someone who uses double standards? One minute, it's I care about you. Then, I can do and say anything I please. Does that upset you in any way? Am I OFFENDING you in some way (heavy sarcasm on offending)?

No, sorry. You can't have it both ways. I just meekly sit back and do nothing? No.

That's how severely dysfunctional a lot of my fight to survive has been.

Since I've been raped, I've only had half a day of no dissociating. I've never had a PTSD symptom free day.

How does that affect someone?

I know it's not my fault. I know I didn't do anything wrong. Yet, being a normal human being, I feel like I've only had one person actually give me a reassuring hug and say I'm sorry you were raped that actually meant it.

Again, how are you supposed to feel? Yes, I'm a survivor. My little kid and multiples are survivors as well. But also, I'm a human being with emotions and not a case file.

Do you cry every night?
Do you feel abandoned?
Do you feel like people admit that you're there?
How do you set boundaries?
How do you protect yourself from dissociating?
Do you feel like you've been deprived of all supportive human contact since you were raped?

Feel free to comment. Thanks for reading.