Some errands today, and now some time at home to catch up online. You still have to screen everything to stop violently triggering content. If you watch any TV, turn the sound down and just read the crawl at the bottom of the screen. It's amazing how much your lip reading can improve if you do this.
Do you still have nightmares? We do. Sometimes you have moments of clarity. We can sit and watch something or listen for up to 5 minutes (versus 30 seconds in the past). But then you still have to have a break, because it's too much stimulus. You also then feel like all the pain in your trauma history is flooding out all at once. There's no buffer to protect you. On the other hand, this is scary but good. Better than going back to 24/7 violent unchecked dissociating. Then, you have to constantly fight your way out of being trapped in that cycle.
You can't stop all triggering stuff. But you can try to protect yourself as best you can. You feel exhausted all the time trying to stay grounded and not dissociate and black out. Blackouts still happen. That's just a sign that severe symptoms are still there.
Screen everything and protect yourself.
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1 comment:
Looking back, ya progress, yes better but not ok. Scary how bad it was. Scary how how much it changes you. Healing does come bit by bit but there are scars. Can you see them? Maybe the are just on the inside.
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