Lots of anger and fighting to not dissociate today. We're cutting back on acidic stuff to see if that helps. Also, we're editing everything to be safe.
Despite all that, there's a lot of anger and despair. Fighting to not snap in two. My multiples and little kid aren't talking about new things that happened when we got raped. It just feels like more despair is there.
Does this happen to you? Do people talk around you and not to you (especially when the topic is trauma)? Do others still say just shut up and get on with it?
Do you feel suicidal? Do you black out and then wonder where you are? Do you cry yourself to sleep at night?
Unfortunately there are still lots of stupid double standards when it comes to rape. If a woman gets raped, then society will tolerate it up to a point. If a guy gets raped, nobody wants to deal with you. If they can make money off it, they'll use the expression "sexual assault". Because in polite society we just don't use words like rape (especially at dinner).
Do you feel humiliated? Do you feel like the whole world is beating you down?
Opportunites come up where society could talk about this. But just like "The Great Race Debate", nobody cares unless they can make money off of it. Are we then supposed to say that's capitalism?
At times we have trouble getting out of bed because adrenalin surges are so bad. We have to fight to focus our chi so we can still have some feeling in different parts of our body.
Do everything you have to to protect yourself.
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