Went to see the psychiatrist today. In some ways, it was a little easier to focus and talk about many of my concerns. I still have my symptoms and scream in pain many times during the day. It's like all of the pain in your trauma history floods out all at once. You have to focus really hard to try and not black out. What happens if you did black out? Would I die? Would I never come back to what's painful reality? I don't know.
Right now, I have my little kid and 25 personalities. Every mental health support person that I've talked to say the same thing. The fact that scary and sick thoughts bother you proves that you're not a sociopath. We also talked about psychosis symptoms. Is it possible to have severe PTSD and NOT be psychotic? Yes. The psychotic symptoms still happen at times:
Paranoid thoughts about people following me
People trying to break in and kill me
Hallucinations
Do you have moments of clarity as you struggle with your symptoms? We do. When they happen, it's scary because you feel paralyzed. You don't know what to do. You don't want to be bombarded with pain. What do you do?
Can I save the world from all of the horrible people out there? No, I can't. But I will protect myself. You have to set boundaries. But you already knew that.
Stay well.
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