Don't Dissociate

Sitting at my dining room table and catching up on online stuff. No TV because it's too violent. If online content isn't violently triggering, I try to listen or watch. But no matter what, don't dissociate. In the past, violent dissociating was a survival tool. I wasn't sure what was wrong, but I knew something was. Nobody listened and nobody helped me.

Now heart disease and PTSD symptoms totally drain my chi. Formerly favorite foods are now violent triggers. If I go out somewhere, I always have to have an escape plan, just in case. You can't just sit back and do nothing. You have to fight to keep some sense of balance.

I just want to protect myself.