Another day of fighting symptoms and feeling exhausted most of the time. My niece will be in the psych hospital for a while, and hopefully getting the proper help. Despite that, I still have flashbacks to when I was in one by mistake.
Nobody supported me in any way
Not all, but many of the staff there were sadistic
When I got out, nobody acknowledged me in any way
Do you care that I'm alive? If I jumped out the window and killed myself, would you care? I can't control other people, but I will protect myself from their cruelty.
How is your symptom struggle? The urge to violently dissociate is still there. I don't want to disappear and not know where I am. Binge alcoholism? No. Instead of some Twelve Step approach, I use a holistic health one instead.
I've always tried to face my trauma history in the most non threatening way I can. Psychologically, I believe that's the healthiest thing to do. Do I want to go back to lots of meds? No. I'm up to almost ten a day now. Yes, like my psychiatrist says, not using meds is the tougher way to go. But I think it helps you to deal with your anger and other problems as well.
Why are so many people cruel? I don't know. But I WILL protect myself.
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