No Energy

Today, struggling for energy. For whatever reasons, my chi flow is way down. Nightmares are still happening. You're fighting to survive, and at times you don't know how to feel. Can i trust anyone? In one, my father died, and what then? Do I feel sad for a lifelong ultra abusive person? Again, you don't know what to do.

You struggle with symptoms. But you're not crazy. You just want to feel safe. In the middle of the night, you wake up and check every room to make sure no one else is there. You have to protect yourself.

On bad days when I go out, I carry mace and a knife in my bag. You can't do nothing.

Nobody in person helped me for a long time. Nobody burst in the room when I got raped. Nobody got prosecuted. No cop ever said we need a rape kit for this case. A victim compensation board said because these crimes happened before this commission was established, legally they don't exist.

You can't do nothing.

It feels like the whole world at times says fuck off. Nobody gives a fuck about this guy rape survivor shit.

You just want to feel safe.