How has your week been? Sorry to be off for a while. But the past few days have been rough with lots of violent dissociating. You literally feel like you have no control and don't know where you are. You scream and fight to not black out and then get some sense of focus again.
In my case, it's kind of like severe alcoholism. The first reaction is that it will stop horrible pain. Instead, it makes it worse. What's the answer? As best you can, don't dissociate. Do something else. This means fighting to ground yourself or to just literally at times say, I won't dissociate. For long time, violent dissociating was a second nature way of surviving. Now, how do you change that?
The frustration, despair and feelings of abandonment are still there. The horrible realization of how severe symptoms have been. Then again, part of your healing process is to face your trauma history in the most non-threatening way you can.
Everybody has their own ways to cope with healing from trauma. In our case, part of it is trying to
basically be as healthy as you can. Not perfectionism. But a sense of balance.
When we're really scared, my multiples, little kid and I like to just sit and rock back and forth. Just turn things off and reassure ourselves that it will be okay. The pain and fear are still there.
Then again, it's not our fault.
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