What Else Can You Do?

Today, it's lots of covering bases. Try to keep your emotional balance as best you can.

Anger is still there. We still have to fight to get it out past a stuck fight-or-fight mechanism. It's like
you have to push to get past a barrier. Then, some temporary relief. Then, it's the same thing all over again.

Now, do that about 100 times a day, AND everything else you have to do.

We can't just sit back and do nothing. When you need to, take breaks and turn everything off. Flashbacks come out of nowhere, and at times we don't know where we are. When you're in a crowded place and trying not to snap, will we black out? What happens then? Will one of my multiples lash out, and then I have no idea what happened? That concern is still there.

I have no death wish. I have no desire to attack anybody else or kill them. Why then do I have this "just shut up and die because nobody gives a shit about you anyway" loop that goes on all the time?
If you don't fight your way out of it, you feel like an empty shell. The world then beats you down, which makes it even worse.

I can't sit back and do nothing. I can't afford to go to a therapist in person. What else can I do?