A Break

Enough job hunting for today. Time for some latenight writing and then kick back on the balcony with some tea.

Emptiness is still there. You feel paralyzed and don't know what to do. We still take breaks and at times just turn everything off. Flashbacks and violent lucid dreams still happen. We try to ground ourselves, but it's really draining. On the other hand, you can't just sit back and do nothing.

Do you still scream at night and don't know where you are? Nightmares still happen. Usually you try and just focus and get some sense of balance back. Then, sometimes you can't go back to sleep. Everything feels black. Breakfast at 2 a.m.?

Gradual reconditioning to overcome triggering stuff doesn't work. This means either throw it out, or if you can make some money off it, keep it.

Sadness is still there as well. When that happens, I just try to reassure my little kid and multiples that it will be okay. However, it's really draining.