Moments of Clarity. And then Terror.

How's it going? Obama gives his health care speech tonight. But we're staying away from it. WAY too triggering. We still only look online when we have to. If we listen to news, it's intl. sources only. It's amazing how much accurate information you can get from abroad.

At times, there are moments of some clarity. At others, it feels like all of the terror of being raped comes flooding out. You have to fight your way out of lucid dreams and kill those sick assholes that want to rape you and then kill you. If I have to, I still take a knife with me when we go out. We're NOT going to be raped again. Lucid dreams usually happen at the worst times.

Looks like extra potassium and almost zero salt is helping some. It's like you have more awareness of what's ok and what the limits are. Hyperawareness and intuition are still really sharp and need to be filtered at times. If you don't, it's like being bombarded with wi-fi signals.

Will Obama have the guts to publically oppose his own party and fight for single payer? I'm not so sure. Sorry to bring "race" into it. But you have the all-white "Blue Dogs" (who are really gutless neocons being bribed by the kill-single-payer lobby). Then, you have the Congressional Black Caucus banding together and saying, either single payer or we're against it.

Good for them for taking a stand. But look at how it's shaping up. Can this get even more racist than it already has? Also, if Obama really will jump on people's case about this, why hasn't he done that yet with Democrats who've taken millions? Because he took money as well when he ran for President. Which means if he did criticize them, he'd look like a hypocrite to many.

Also, if he does fight for only single payer, will the death threats against him go up? I wonder what he and his wife tell their kids if they ask about stuff like that?

Obama says that 4 House committees have passed early versions of this bill. The Senate has nothing. Which means that all of the House versions are essentially meaningless. Did Obama cancel the now not-so-secret deal with the drug companies to gurantee their profits? His Press Secretary can avoid the issue all he wants. But why did he do it?

Because you have to sell out to get a little of something else? What do you then say to millions who continue to not have health coverage? Be good Democrats and we know what we're doing? Howard Dean continues to be a spokesman for Pelosi, Reid and the drug companies. It's amazing that a doctor can actually be supportive of the billions that they make.

But that's one opinion.