Normally we stay away from progressive political content. If you want that, there are billions of other blogs. Then again, once you know the rules you can break them to make a point.
We know that many vets have untreated PTSD symptoms. We also know that both women and guy vets are raped while on duty. In the past two weeks, four Canadian vets killed themselves. What are all of the reasons why? I'm not sure.
Despite that, this is yet another perfect opportunity to both educate and help millions who have untreated PTSD symptoms. The corporate MSM continues to perpetuate the myth that ONLY vets get PTSD. How then do you explain the ten percent of the Stateside population that have some form of it?
No disrespect to vets. But they don't have an exclusive lock on PTSD symptoms. It happens all thru society.
Whether you're a vet or a civilian, you deserve to be heard and treated with respect to be able to heal from something that you didn't ask for. Is drugging people so they'll shut up about having PTSD the answer? No, it's not. It's a combination of many things (medication is necessary, people who will respect you and take you seriously, and more).
How is your healing these days? I have no desire to go back to rampant alcoholism or kill myself. on the other hand, it's important to admit when those thoughts are there. In my case, denial isn't an issue.
This means that backed up trauma will come out. If it doesn't, then you have big problems.
Will the corporate MSM stop pushing stupid stereotypes so trauma survivors can heal?
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Trying to Keep a Sense of Focus
Lots of anger, frustration and feeling abandoned right now. We haven't snapped yet and attacked anybody (fortunately). It's a constant fight to not dissociate and feel paralyzed by depression. Going back on meds won't help. What else can we do?
Monday, December 2, 2013
Depression and More (Contains potentially triggering content. Read at your own risk)
I'm trying to keep my system clean as I deal with symptoms. Despite that, at times nightmares and other symptoms get worse. You have to shock yourself awake in the morning so you don't feel like you're cool and calm on the outside, and screaming on the inside. You feel bombarded with pain and flashbacks. Many times it's like bits and pieces that you don't know. On the other hand, you can't just sit back and do nothing.
It's not a matter of torturing yourself. It's a matter of trying to face your trauma history as best you can. As you do that, one minute it's pain. Then, almost crippling depression. Not to the point of wanting to off yourself or going back to anti-depressants that don't help (at least in my case).
All of the mental health sources that I trust say the same thing. Considering your long history of horrible untreated trauma, it only makes sense that it's flooding out now. If it didn't, then you'd have another breakdown.
Flashbacks happen, and you fight to not give into sick and twisted abuse and dissociative loops. What else can you do? As you do fight back, you have to be careful to not black out. By the end of the day, you're so wiped out you literally can't get up.
There's no long term illness caused by this abuse. No neurological damage in any way. Yet, I have to fight to focus every day. Even by doing the usual grounding techniques, many don't work.
What do you do then?
In my case, it's a long history of abuse, abandonment and fighting to no fall apart. Rampant alcoholism, addictions and severe illnesses. A serious junk food habit that only made things worse. Try roughly 300 gram of sugar a day. Endless gallons of caffeine, lots of salt and various other chemicals.
Now, I don't do that stuff anymore. The junk food is still a battle at times. But nowhere as out of control as it used to be.
We just want a sense of balance. Not perfectionism. But balance.
It's not a matter of torturing yourself. It's a matter of trying to face your trauma history as best you can. As you do that, one minute it's pain. Then, almost crippling depression. Not to the point of wanting to off yourself or going back to anti-depressants that don't help (at least in my case).
All of the mental health sources that I trust say the same thing. Considering your long history of horrible untreated trauma, it only makes sense that it's flooding out now. If it didn't, then you'd have another breakdown.
Flashbacks happen, and you fight to not give into sick and twisted abuse and dissociative loops. What else can you do? As you do fight back, you have to be careful to not black out. By the end of the day, you're so wiped out you literally can't get up.
There's no long term illness caused by this abuse. No neurological damage in any way. Yet, I have to fight to focus every day. Even by doing the usual grounding techniques, many don't work.
What do you do then?
In my case, it's a long history of abuse, abandonment and fighting to no fall apart. Rampant alcoholism, addictions and severe illnesses. A serious junk food habit that only made things worse. Try roughly 300 gram of sugar a day. Endless gallons of caffeine, lots of salt and various other chemicals.
Now, I don't do that stuff anymore. The junk food is still a battle at times. But nowhere as out of control as it used to be.
We just want a sense of balance. Not perfectionism. But balance.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
A Holiday Lead In
An early Happy Thanksgiving. Also, fighting hard to not dissociate and not black out. We're averaging about 3 hours of sleep a night.
We're not crazy, insane, sick, psychotic, or a danger to ourselves or anybody else. Don't dissociate. Do something else.
We're not crazy, insane, sick, psychotic, or a danger to ourselves or anybody else. Don't dissociate. Do something else.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
A Mix
Staying in tonight, and trying to stay warm. Lots of herbal tea and late night snacks to help. If you time them right, they can. If you eat too late, then your risk nightmares.
What about trauma survivors who deal with a wide range of symptoms and emotions? Are some more susceptible to others when their systems are effected by chemicals and other stuff in their diet? I think they are. At least I know that I am.
One minute, we feel like there's some sense of focus. Then, you fight to not scream and black out. Will one of my multiples lash out and attack somebody, and I won't know it? How do you deal with that? In my case, I've had all four major type of dissociative blackouts:
You lose you sense of hearing. Everything sounds garbled.
You lose track of time. Usually this means that one or more of your multiples take over. Then, you're left standing there with no idea of what happened.
You're driving, and then suddenly see that you're about 100 miles past where you wanted to be.
It's been a while since my system shorted out, and then you have no idea of where you are. However, at times it feels like it might happen.
What do you do then?
Our intuition is feeling pretty sharp right now. This means that you feel like you're seeing all of the hypocrisy in the world. You're not the ONLY one who sees it. But it feels like you are.
How do you deal with that? Do you scream and smash stuff against the wall? Do you feel like you're getting bombarded with all of the pain in the world from everyone else? How do you protect yourself?
Do you have nightmare and body pain? Do you feel like you're going to snap? After fighting this all day long, we can barely move. Go back on meds? No thanks. They actually made symptoms worse, because they were like a band aid.
These days, we're fighting to not dissociate at least a hundred times a day. In the most positive way we can, we're trying to say don't do it. Go the other way, and see what happens. This means spending lots of time walking around to make sure that you're safe. You still have to fight off the psycho rapist in flashbacks. You stab him with your knife in a vulnerable spot so he'll break his grip. Then yous stab him again, break the grip and then slam him against the wall, and then stab and kill him before he kills you.
It doesn't matter that it's only a lucid dream. You HAVE to protect yourself. If you don't, you fall apart. Just going with your feelings doesn't work. Do you want to fall apart, or protect your well being?
While we can't make other horrible people get it about trauma, we WILL protect ourselves. Nobody else will do it.
What about trauma survivors who deal with a wide range of symptoms and emotions? Are some more susceptible to others when their systems are effected by chemicals and other stuff in their diet? I think they are. At least I know that I am.
One minute, we feel like there's some sense of focus. Then, you fight to not scream and black out. Will one of my multiples lash out and attack somebody, and I won't know it? How do you deal with that? In my case, I've had all four major type of dissociative blackouts:
You lose you sense of hearing. Everything sounds garbled.
You lose track of time. Usually this means that one or more of your multiples take over. Then, you're left standing there with no idea of what happened.
You're driving, and then suddenly see that you're about 100 miles past where you wanted to be.
It's been a while since my system shorted out, and then you have no idea of where you are. However, at times it feels like it might happen.
What do you do then?
Our intuition is feeling pretty sharp right now. This means that you feel like you're seeing all of the hypocrisy in the world. You're not the ONLY one who sees it. But it feels like you are.
How do you deal with that? Do you scream and smash stuff against the wall? Do you feel like you're getting bombarded with all of the pain in the world from everyone else? How do you protect yourself?
Do you have nightmare and body pain? Do you feel like you're going to snap? After fighting this all day long, we can barely move. Go back on meds? No thanks. They actually made symptoms worse, because they were like a band aid.
These days, we're fighting to not dissociate at least a hundred times a day. In the most positive way we can, we're trying to say don't do it. Go the other way, and see what happens. This means spending lots of time walking around to make sure that you're safe. You still have to fight off the psycho rapist in flashbacks. You stab him with your knife in a vulnerable spot so he'll break his grip. Then yous stab him again, break the grip and then slam him against the wall, and then stab and kill him before he kills you.
It doesn't matter that it's only a lucid dream. You HAVE to protect yourself. If you don't, you fall apart. Just going with your feelings doesn't work. Do you want to fall apart, or protect your well being?
While we can't make other horrible people get it about trauma, we WILL protect ourselves. Nobody else will do it.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Anger, Sadness and Feeling Abandoned
There are some moments of clarity. Then, you focus so you won't scream, attack anyone or black out. This isn't abnormal in any way. This is a normal survival/healing response to a long history of violent abuse.
You go to sleep at night, or at least you try to. Many times, you end up fighting to not snap and fall apart because of flashbacks or body pain. You have to screen everything because at times you feel like you're being bombarded with hypocracy. Can you trust anybody? Is everybody lying?
We're just trying to keep a sense of balance. Not perfection, but balance. But we still have paralyzing fear.
You go to sleep at night, or at least you try to. Many times, you end up fighting to not snap and fall apart because of flashbacks or body pain. You have to screen everything because at times you feel like you're being bombarded with hypocracy. Can you trust anybody? Is everybody lying?
We're just trying to keep a sense of balance. Not perfection, but balance. But we still have paralyzing fear.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Don't Get Eaten Alive By Anger and More
We all have our good and evil sides. However, when you feel like you have to suppress your anger to survive and not get abused, how do you do that? We did that for a long time to literally survive. Now, we have bad days where our evil side is screaming all kinds of horrible stuff. We don't act on it out loud. But it's still there.
Lately, there have been more nightmares, dissociating, pain and adrenalin surges. It takes about five minuets a day to put my shoes on due to adrenalin surges. If you don't concentrate, it feels like I don't have sensation in different parts of my body.
How do you cope with that? It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Yet it feels like the world wants nothing to do with you.
I'm not trying to torture myself or be a professional patient. Instead, face the full reality of your trauma history in the most non-threatening way you can. Protect your well being at all costs.
Can you screen everything? No you can't. You can however try to protect yourself. Don't take everything as being second nature. Do I really have to deal with this, or not? What does your intuition say? I'm not always right. But I do okay.
Do you feel like you're the only one who sees all the hypocracy in the world? I know I'm not. On the other hand, I do hear that a lot from other survivors.
Just cove your bases and say, we're not insane. These is a survival and healing mechanism from a log history of horrible abuse. Which isn't my fault.
Lately, there have been more nightmares, dissociating, pain and adrenalin surges. It takes about five minuets a day to put my shoes on due to adrenalin surges. If you don't concentrate, it feels like I don't have sensation in different parts of my body.
How do you cope with that? It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Yet it feels like the world wants nothing to do with you.
I'm not trying to torture myself or be a professional patient. Instead, face the full reality of your trauma history in the most non-threatening way you can. Protect your well being at all costs.
Can you screen everything? No you can't. You can however try to protect yourself. Don't take everything as being second nature. Do I really have to deal with this, or not? What does your intuition say? I'm not always right. But I do okay.
Do you feel like you're the only one who sees all the hypocracy in the world? I know I'm not. On the other hand, I do hear that a lot from other survivors.
Just cove your bases and say, we're not insane. These is a survival and healing mechanism from a log history of horrible abuse. Which isn't my fault.
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