Don't Snap and Fall Apart

A new week, and more struggling to not snap and black out Triggering stuff is everywhere. At times, you go with no noise in your day. You just want peace, quiet and to feel safe. Part of this is to set necessary boundaries. Through necessity, I've learned a lot about online security. Many mistakenly believe that you have to be an NSA (National Security Agency, for all of our international readers) engineer to do this. Actually no. It just takes time to study and find the necessary online tools. Another part of it is to out think a hacker. They try this, I block it. They try B, I block it. Always stay one step ahead.

At times the stress is so bad you feel like you're going to black out. Which means at times you're almost paralyzed. You use solid thing s around you to try and stay grounded. Meanwhile you're getting bombarded with flashbacks, anal pain and lucid dreams.

In the past, dissociating and rituals were a way to escape pain. Or so you thought. Now, it's a real struggle at times to not do that. Just like an addict who doesn't want to use again. Part of this is also to deal with the severity of your symptoms, and almost no one in person helped me.

Despite all of the horrible things that others say and do, none of this is abnormal in any way. You just want to be able to feel safe. Raping a terrified little kid? No. Sex with animals? No. Every person I see is a threat, so I have to attack and kill them first? They want to rape me. So I'll rape them first and then kill them to get revenge for what happened to me? No.

Sometimes we just sit and rock back and forth to be safe. We're not insane, weird, a freak or any other garbage.

What's the best thing that helps you to cope? There's no one thing, in my case. But, some reminders do help.

I'm not weird, a freak, a pathetic fucking gimp, geek, nerd, asshole, etc.
I'm not abnormal in any way.
Symptoms have to come out. And now they are.
I'm not a pedophile.
I'm not a danger to anybody.
I just want to feel safe.

Setting Boundaries

Lots of horrible stuff happening in the world today. Our advice? Unless it's for work, stay away. Your well being comes first.

We still struggle with abandonment and trying not to fall back into old dissociative rituals. Maybe it's kind of like alcoholics not relapsing? Some days I just turn everything off and stay home. I want to feel safe, and not bombarded by pain. Despite that, we still struggle with hallucinations, flashbacks, intense anal pain and more.

I still wake up in the middle of the night and check to make sure no one else is here. Usually, it's wake up every two hours or so, and then you can't go back to sleep. You have to protect yourself. Sometimes we just curl up and rock back and forth to reassure ourselves.

We just want to feel safe.

Set boundaries as best you can. Keep your side of things clean.

You're not responsible for what others say and do. They are.

Stay safe and warm.

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