A Xmas Mix

Merry Xmas to our global audience. Satying in tonight due to the Artic blast outside. Lots of snacks and herbal tea to keep me warm.

On the other hand, it's really exhausting right now. Flashbacks and dissociating are still violent. You have to fight really hard to have some sense of where you are. It's like getting bombarded with one after another. You scream and fight to not black out, because you have no other choice. This also means protecting yourself at all costs. You have no control over others. However, you can decide to protect yourself.

I try at times to just take a somatic approach. Turn everything off and pay attention to how you feel. Even by doing that, you still feel like one wrong move and everything could fall apart. This also means that yes, this has been that severe and untreated for a long time.

I don't want to live like I'm an empty shell.

Holiday Thoughts

Staying in tonight and covering lots of job leads. Later, time to put up the Xmas lights and a late night snack.

I'm really trying to keep my balance as I go along. A lot of former favorite foods and drinks are triggering right now. What do I do instead? Can you get thru the holidays with no sweets?

Terrifying flashbacks still happen. You try and ground yourself, and you still at times don't know where you are. What do you do then?

We're really trying to trust our intuition. Take things in small 10 second splits. If you have a bad feeling about something, trust that and turn it off.

There's a lot of pain right now.