Lots of fighting today to not dissociate and black out. You don't want to be bombarded with pain and lots of sick and twisted thoughts. You know you're not insane or a threat to anyone. Yet, all of this stuff keeps happening.
I still struggle with how severe my symptoms have been and continue to be. You have to fight back. A psychiatrist who evaluated me almost two years ago said that you never got the proper treatment for ultra severe trauma. Now, you're dealing with the long term consequences of that.
Anger, abandonment and violent dissociating still happen. You don't want to black out because what happens then? Will one of my multiples lash out? Then, I have to deal with the consequences of something that I didn't do?
More doctor appointments next week. I'll talk to them about symptoms which also include pain every day. is it just because of my heart disease? I think it's all connected.
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