There's emptiness and the feeling of cover bases. During the day we just turn everything off and sit out on the balcony. Are you sure of where you are? Do you fight flashbacks and try to stay grounded, no matter what happens?
At times we just sit and listen to quiet. No endless newsbites, no pointless politicians going on about stuff that you know is a lie. No feeling like you have to listen to everything in the global 24/7 news cycle. You don't. Many times we feel like we're the only ones who see everything. We know what's going to happen and what the responses will be. Why bother then to look?
Lately, a lot has been in 10 second segments. How do we get thru this one? What do we do now? Nightmares and flashbacks still happen. We still have to fight our way out of lucid dreams (at the worst times).
Do you still struggle with feeling abandoned? It's like you stand at a corner with your stuff in a bag, and you look all around. Nobody's going to come and talk to you. No one will help you in any way. Will anyone admit that you even exist? It feels like they won't.
What do you do then? Do you feel like you have to cure yourself? If nobody else can be bothered, do I have to do everything? What do I do? Where do I go?
I don't know if this is common for all survivors. In our case, at times there's an awareness of your life. It's there in the sense of lots of things. The natural thing of wanting to be heard and feeling like one other person actually thinks that you matter. Flashbacks happen and you fight to maintain some sense of balance.
Yet the despair is still there. Does it ever go away?
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