Trying to stay warm and focused. Earlier today we were fighting hard against dissociating and body memory. We've also been betting ourselves up (htting) because at times we're terrified.
It's common for guy suvivors to have bizzare thoughts:
I'm not gay. But because this happened to me I am. And I'll never have a normal straight relationship.
NOTE: If anyone reading this is gay, please understand. It's nothing personal. If someone else is gay, fine. If it were up to us, you want to get married? Go ahead and be happy. It's just that for us being gay is a totally alien thing. Just one view.
So finally we sat down and said we need help. We're trying different sources to see if there's something else we can do to keep our stress hormones down. Usually symptoms happen at the worst times. What else can we do?
It's still debilitating when you have to fight lucid dreams all day long. You have to also fight to not get stuck with your fight-or-flight mechanism.
Tomorrow it's back to the universal health care office. And trying other sources to get application information. If that doesn't work, then it's commercial coverage. Where literally anything is a pre-existing condition.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
A Rough Start to Your Day
Didn't get much sleep last night. This morning, we had to fight really hard to not fall apart (due to symptoms). The worst seem to be body memory. Physical sensations of being raped, bruises from being pinned down and others.
You have to focus and fight back (even though it's not real). Now, we feel like we can focus. But at times the despair is really bad.
How do we deal with it? Compartmentalize. Also, you're not responsible for what others say and do. Which means protect yourself at all costs. Set up boundaries and use various tools to do that.
Do you still have body memory from being raped? How do you not get eaten alive by anger and frustration? Please pass on any constructive tips.
And have a nice day.
You have to focus and fight back (even though it's not real). Now, we feel like we can focus. But at times the despair is really bad.
How do we deal with it? Compartmentalize. Also, you're not responsible for what others say and do. Which means protect yourself at all costs. Set up boundaries and use various tools to do that.
Do you still have body memory from being raped? How do you not get eaten alive by anger and frustration? Please pass on any constructive tips.
And have a nice day.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
A Nice Sunny Day
Happy weekend. Enjoyed a free breakfast from the apt. management here (does anybody say landlord anymore?). Now time for some shopping and some herbal tea. How many herbs can one take?
HTP-5 twice a day seems to be the right dosage. Three times and we're ready to nod off. Still have all the symptoms and occasional crippling despair. But like we told someone a few days ago, we just turn things off and go for a walk or play. My multiples and little kid like to draw, play with our cars. Or look online and see what's going on in the world. But everything is still edited.
Trauma survivor tip for the day: Here in the States, Verizon is going to finally add Skype apps to their mobiles (why do Americans say "cell phone" anyway?). If you get this, you can bypass the mobile minutes. But you're using your monthly data allowance. We checked. And there's no totally free way to call another mobile (except for Virgin Media in the U.K.). Nice job, Sir Richard Branson.
You can have "Family and Friend" numbers which are one way toll free (from you to the other person). Very handy if you need to call a crisis line and not get stuck with massive overages.
And, if you're overseas and need help, you can work off of your laptop. Or, go with a satellite phone. Iridium is still the best brand at the moment. And per-minute card rates are down to about $1.00.
The point is creatively networking. And protection at all times. But if you want a secure phone, don't even try (unless you work for the govt.). Satellite phone companies don't sell these to the public.
HTP-5 twice a day seems to be the right dosage. Three times and we're ready to nod off. Still have all the symptoms and occasional crippling despair. But like we told someone a few days ago, we just turn things off and go for a walk or play. My multiples and little kid like to draw, play with our cars. Or look online and see what's going on in the world. But everything is still edited.
Trauma survivor tip for the day: Here in the States, Verizon is going to finally add Skype apps to their mobiles (why do Americans say "cell phone" anyway?). If you get this, you can bypass the mobile minutes. But you're using your monthly data allowance. We checked. And there's no totally free way to call another mobile (except for Virgin Media in the U.K.). Nice job, Sir Richard Branson.
You can have "Family and Friend" numbers which are one way toll free (from you to the other person). Very handy if you need to call a crisis line and not get stuck with massive overages.
And, if you're overseas and need help, you can work off of your laptop. Or, go with a satellite phone. Iridium is still the best brand at the moment. And per-minute card rates are down to about $1.00.
The point is creatively networking. And protection at all times. But if you want a secure phone, don't even try (unless you work for the govt.). Satellite phone companies don't sell these to the public.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
A Survivor's Perspective
Did you see any of the Great Health Summit? If not, don't feel bad.
Why? Because in six hours, literally nothing was accomplished. Obama (Mr. Bi-Partisanship) was trying to give different people chances to speak. But what came out were talking points.
From the neocon side it was almost like subtitles. We hate your guts. We're still pissed off that you're President (and not McCain). And we're going to destroy you. We can't be openly racist because then we'll lose our jobs in this global economic meltdown. Which means we'll do everything short of that.
Today, some people became homeless because of no health coverage. Some people also died from lack of coverage.
Why did this happen? Hypocracy, stupidity and greed.
Will any of these panelists lose sleep tonight thinking about these people? No.
Have any of them ever been denied coverage? No.
Se. Jay Rockefeller made a speech about the evil insurance firms. What he didn't say was he's one of the biggest recepients of their money. NOT ONE person in the room challenged him on that. Then again, did you really expect them to?
How many vets killed themselves this week because of not being able to get the proper treatment?
Both sides have taken in millions from the anti-single-payer lobby. Which means that they just don't care. Endless posturing and we must win in November. That's all that matters. Millions of people bombard Congress for single payer. And the Power Elite (call them what they are) still say screw you to the public.
If a commercial health coverage firm found out we have PTSD, we can be denied. For that or literally anything they want. And it's all perfectly legal.
Why won't Obama declare a National Emergency and implement single payer? Because (a) his career will be over. And (b)he doesn't have the guts to stand up to his party and do what's necessary.
How much do you wanna bet many Obama supporters will still vote for him in 2012?
And finally, if the worst happens and we literally can't get health care anywhere, does this mean we have to emigrate? Many people are doing that right now. From an immigration point of view, health care is a human right. You then could file for refugee status. If I stay here and get sick, there's a good chance I'll be bankrupt, homeless. And then possibly die.
That's all in the U.N. Charter of Human Rights. It's there just like intl. law. The rest of the world sees that.
So how come not here?
Why? Because in six hours, literally nothing was accomplished. Obama (Mr. Bi-Partisanship) was trying to give different people chances to speak. But what came out were talking points.
From the neocon side it was almost like subtitles. We hate your guts. We're still pissed off that you're President (and not McCain). And we're going to destroy you. We can't be openly racist because then we'll lose our jobs in this global economic meltdown. Which means we'll do everything short of that.
Today, some people became homeless because of no health coverage. Some people also died from lack of coverage.
Why did this happen? Hypocracy, stupidity and greed.
Will any of these panelists lose sleep tonight thinking about these people? No.
Have any of them ever been denied coverage? No.
Se. Jay Rockefeller made a speech about the evil insurance firms. What he didn't say was he's one of the biggest recepients of their money. NOT ONE person in the room challenged him on that. Then again, did you really expect them to?
How many vets killed themselves this week because of not being able to get the proper treatment?
Both sides have taken in millions from the anti-single-payer lobby. Which means that they just don't care. Endless posturing and we must win in November. That's all that matters. Millions of people bombard Congress for single payer. And the Power Elite (call them what they are) still say screw you to the public.
If a commercial health coverage firm found out we have PTSD, we can be denied. For that or literally anything they want. And it's all perfectly legal.
Why won't Obama declare a National Emergency and implement single payer? Because (a) his career will be over. And (b)he doesn't have the guts to stand up to his party and do what's necessary.
How much do you wanna bet many Obama supporters will still vote for him in 2012?
And finally, if the worst happens and we literally can't get health care anywhere, does this mean we have to emigrate? Many people are doing that right now. From an immigration point of view, health care is a human right. You then could file for refugee status. If I stay here and get sick, there's a good chance I'll be bankrupt, homeless. And then possibly die.
That's all in the U.N. Charter of Human Rights. It's there just like intl. law. The rest of the world sees that.
So how come not here?
Coverage for Everybody
How much weirder can it get? Today Obama is chairing the Big Health Care Summit. He says he doesn't want it to be "political theater." Yet, that's exactly what it is.
A few questions:
Have any of these people ever been denied coverage due to "pre-existing" conditions?
The rest of the world has universal care. And they seem to be doing just fine. How come we can't here?
How much money have these panelists received from the anti-single-payer lobby?
How much of blocking everything Obama's doing is because of racism (subtle of course. But it's still there)?
True or false: Chris Hedges says that the insurance industry makes money off of death.
Many things in the States are already socialized. Yet, it's almost illegal to say the word "socialism". If socialism is so bad, then why did Obama bail out the banks?
How do kids feel being used as a political football re: health care?
30% of the Stateside population has some form of PTSD. And, that's a "pre-existing" condition.
Anything other than single payer is NOT health care reform. Why would anyone willingly pay more for something that doesn't help them?
Back to job hunting. So we don't end up homeless again.
A few questions:
Have any of these people ever been denied coverage due to "pre-existing" conditions?
The rest of the world has universal care. And they seem to be doing just fine. How come we can't here?
How much money have these panelists received from the anti-single-payer lobby?
How much of blocking everything Obama's doing is because of racism (subtle of course. But it's still there)?
True or false: Chris Hedges says that the insurance industry makes money off of death.
Many things in the States are already socialized. Yet, it's almost illegal to say the word "socialism". If socialism is so bad, then why did Obama bail out the banks?
How do kids feel being used as a political football re: health care?
30% of the Stateside population has some form of PTSD. And, that's a "pre-existing" condition.
Anything other than single payer is NOT health care reform. Why would anyone willingly pay more for something that doesn't help them?
Back to job hunting. So we don't end up homeless again.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Protection Comes First
Happy Wednesday. Finally got a good night's sleep for a change. And so far so good.
Thanks for all the support. While we know that protection comes first, you also have to grab opportunities when they come up. Here's one that we need some help with.
If you like what you're reading here, please contact a new BBC program re: blogs worldwide. If we talk to them directly, then we're outed. But if you could email them and tell them about us (without outing yourself as well), then the world gets out. And nobody gets hurt.
Email super.power@bbc.co.uk.
Have a nice day.
Thanks for all the support. While we know that protection comes first, you also have to grab opportunities when they come up. Here's one that we need some help with.
If you like what you're reading here, please contact a new BBC program re: blogs worldwide. If we talk to them directly, then we're outed. But if you could email them and tell them about us (without outing yourself as well), then the world gets out. And nobody gets hurt.
Email super.power@bbc.co.uk.
Have a nice day.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Universal Care Part II
Just got back from the unversal health care office. And as usual, there are extra forms to submit that nobody told us about. But, we have 14 days to do it. So you deal with it.
Lots of talk right now about a public option in health care. When we lived abroad, we were under universal care. And it saved us a lot of money (almost $10,000 over a ten year period).
The rest of the world knows that it works. Do they pay higher taxes? Actually, no. Here in the States, people pay more (in premiums, deductables and other stuff). And what does it get you? Many times a denial.
Name one other country in the world that will deny citizens health care due to:
pregnancy
PTSD
being a rape survivor
acne
being too short or too tall
being too fat
and who knows what else is next
FYI: The number of people here who go abroad for health care is growing. The number of people who emigrate for health care is growing. If you try for a single policy, do you stand a chance of getting it?
Legally speaking, health coverage is a contract. If you falsify it, the provider could sue you for fraud. But also, they can deny you for literally anything the want. They can lie to you over the phone, to your face. Or on their web site. And unless you have a lot of money and a great attorney, nobody will touch them.
Another idea. Some people go public to try and get action. While activism is great, the whole world will know about your medical history. And if you're out of work, how do you deal with that?
Most commercial health coverage provides for 20 therapy sessions in a year. How many trauma survivors can be cured in 5 months? We've never met one.
Slightly off-topic. Today, Congress is having hearings about Toyota's recall. Many of the Congresspeople on the committee have received millions in "campaign contributions" from Toyota. What transparency.
Lots of talk right now about a public option in health care. When we lived abroad, we were under universal care. And it saved us a lot of money (almost $10,000 over a ten year period).
The rest of the world knows that it works. Do they pay higher taxes? Actually, no. Here in the States, people pay more (in premiums, deductables and other stuff). And what does it get you? Many times a denial.
Name one other country in the world that will deny citizens health care due to:
pregnancy
PTSD
being a rape survivor
acne
being too short or too tall
being too fat
and who knows what else is next
FYI: The number of people here who go abroad for health care is growing. The number of people who emigrate for health care is growing. If you try for a single policy, do you stand a chance of getting it?
Legally speaking, health coverage is a contract. If you falsify it, the provider could sue you for fraud. But also, they can deny you for literally anything the want. They can lie to you over the phone, to your face. Or on their web site. And unless you have a lot of money and a great attorney, nobody will touch them.
Another idea. Some people go public to try and get action. While activism is great, the whole world will know about your medical history. And if you're out of work, how do you deal with that?
Most commercial health coverage provides for 20 therapy sessions in a year. How many trauma survivors can be cured in 5 months? We've never met one.
Slightly off-topic. Today, Congress is having hearings about Toyota's recall. Many of the Congresspeople on the committee have received millions in "campaign contributions" from Toyota. What transparency.
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