How to Be Heard in a Good Way (Contains potentially triggering content. Read at your own risk)

Just when you think you're safe, a cold front hits. Then again, at least there's no snow. Snow's only allowed if you're in a Swiss chalet and somebody else is shoveling it.

Symptoms are still there. A long day of fighting to not dissociate. Also, despair and a feeling of abandonment. Do you have times where you're trying to get support from someone who says they want to be supportive? Then, they essentially say shut the f**k up and go away?

How do you deal with that? You didn't ask to be a trauma survivor and have sick and horrible flashbacks and other problems. You're not weird, a freak, a pedophile or any of that other garbage.

But you still get the same reaction. What do you do then?

Keep in mind that it's not your fault. If other horrible people can't get that, that's their problem. You're doing everything you can to protect your well being. Not perfection, but balance. If you feel sad or abandoned, reassure yourself, your multiples and your little kid that you're telling the truth. That's all that matters.

Time for some more tea.

Use the Space Around You

Covering lots of bases today with job hunting and dealing with symptoms. How to not dissociate? One way is to use the space that you're in in a creative way. Hold onto solid things. Literally reach out in front of you and say, no one's there. The psycho pedophile isn't there. The hot babe who will do anything I say at any time and not laugh at me because I'm a rape survivor.

I'm safe and in my home. At times I have to search every room to make sure that I am. Then again, that's normal considering my abuse history.

What helps you?

How to Not Dissociate

It's been a rough past four days. Lots of violent dissociating, and I almost felt like I had another nervous breakdown. Then Sunday, just chill. Turn everything off, and pay attention to how you feel.

Last night, almost no sleep.It feels like all of our backed up traumatic energy is flooding out. We go out at times and scream. We want to punch anyone who gets in our way. Luckily, I've never given in to that and done jail time for assault. However, the anger, fear and feeling abandoned are still there.

What do we do now?

Screen Everything

The new software and upgrades seem to be working on my new laptop. Am I as powerful as the NSA? Not yet. But these things take time.

As for other things, dissociating continues to be one of the hardest symptoms to deal with. It feels at times like it's slightly easier to fight back than before to maintain some sense of balance. On the other hand, you feel sad because of everything you've had to go through to reach this point.

Just keep in mind it's not our fault.

Symptoms and Balance

How's your overall well being? Do you still have nightmares and other pain? At times, nightmares seem to get worse and worse. All of the mental health sources that we trust say the same thing. It's unprocessed backed up trauma that's flooding out.

We still have to screen all content. Our intuiton isn't aways right. But our percentage is pretty good. Trust it and see what happens.

Don't dissociate and see how you feel.

Helping Your Healing

Since there are millions of trauma survivors, this means that each one has their own history and story. Everyone heals at different rates and uses their own approach to try and do just that.

In our case, we still struggle with nightmares, body pain and other symptoms. Meditation helps to a certain extent. But the symptoms are still there.

Do you ask questions like why didn't I do more to stop the psycho rapist(s)? How come I didn't fight back, instead of freezing? How come I didn't grab the closest weapon and kill all three of them? Like many parts of healing, you ask the question: do these thoughts ever go away?

It's not a matter of being a professional patient. It's a matter of trying to face the full reality/terror of your trauma history in the most non-threatening way you can. As we do that, there are moments of feeling abandoned. Is there one other person that doesn't believe that we're their worst nightmare? Sometimes, you're not sure.

You have to fight hard to not dissociate. To not give in and say just kill yourself because nobody gives a f**k anyway. We fight really hard to maintain our well being. Usually at the end of the day, we're totally wiped out. On the other hand, we're not on medication, which is a positive step.

Where's my herbal tea?

Trying for a Balance

Yes, it really has been a long week. More applications, despair at times and trying to not dissociate. In our case, it's like drinking again. Do we really want to do that? No. Instead, try to do something positive.

Nightmares still happen, but there's no common theme to them. At other times, it feels like all of your fears come out all at once. You still feel abandoned and have to remind yourself, it's not our fault. If others want to say and do horrible tuff, that's their problem to deal with.

There are some moments of clarity. Then, feeling abandoned. What do we do now? One key is by having good energy flow thru your body, it seems to help in dealing with adrenalin surges and other symptoms. They don't all disappear. Instead, you have a sense of everything being connected, which it is.

Since I was raped by three psycho pedophiles, I've never had one day free of symptoms. I don't know what's it like to wake up and not have to fight all day long to keep some sense of balance. On the other hand, I know that this is a perfectly normal coping mechanism in healing.

Have a nice day.