Protect Yourself (Contains Potentially Triggering Content. Read at your own risk).

How's your Monday? The past few days here have been rough for several reasons:

Lots of fights with the "immediate family".
Finally facing the full reality of our trauma.
Deapair from being abandoned and to this day the hypocracy of someone
saying they care about you. But then they insult your intelligence and lie to your face. And then, they have to nerve to try and lecuture you on being honest.

Can this get any weirder?

Now, the good news. We still have mild PTSD. But there has been a lot of albeit painful healing.

Adrenalin surges almost never happen.
We can focus again.
Dissociating is still there at times. But way less than it used to be.
We can wake up in the morning and not have to fight and scream to focus.

Essentially, the only real problem (depending on how you look at healing) is despair in trying to deal with a flood of emotions and raw realties.
Which means we're no longer "disabled" in any sense of the word.

As for others who continue to ignore this reality, we don't care anymore. We're tired of being insulted to our face and treated like shit by bullies who use money and email as weapons to try and control people. No more contact with them in any way. Also, keep your money and everything else. We want nothing from you.

And it's only 10:36 a.m.

Fighting to Keep Our Balance (Contains Content that Might be Triggering. Read at your own risk).

It feels like all of the horror of our trauma is flooding out. A segment at a time, we're fighting to keep our positive balance.

As for the "immediate family", no support re: trauma and there never will be. Some of them are still temporarily helping us out financially as we get the new jobs. However, it's rough when someone says you need to apply for supplemental income. But, they'll never have the courtesy to say to your face the reason for applying for it in the first place. And, they could care less about it.

How would you react in this situation?

The despair and fear is still there at times. But, we'll keep going. What else can you do?

It Must be Tuesday

Today, it's an experiment. Can we go thru one day with almost no salt? It feels like w have almost no tolerance for it. Is it possible to be allergic to salt? Is it possible to be allergic to "natural ingredients" in potato chips and other food? We'll see how it goes.

We're still covering bases and keeping in mind we're not responsible for what others do and say. We have our bad days with this like everybody else. Then again, what else can you do but just keep your side of things clean and go on?

So far, no withdrawl symptoms. A good sign.....

Try Not to Get Beaten Down

How's your Monday? Lots of triggering stuff is happening. So screen it to protect yourself.

Here, also lots of disappointing stuff with the "immediate family". Essentially, they'll never care about what we think or say. Just keep your freaking mouth shut and do as your told. Some of them are helping us out financially temporarily. But now, with the supplemental income (SSI) appeal still there, the attitude is, that's not f***ing good enough. We could care less what you think or how you feel about this. Keep your mouth shut and do as your told. Also, we don't trust you. So we're going to check everything you do.

We're not going to drink again or off ourselves. Instead, protect yourself at all costs. Keep your contact with these people as polite and limited as possible. That way, you don't have to apologize for anything that you say and do. As for them, they have to live with what they say and do. Not us.

How Do You Cope?

Staying warm this weekend? We're still sticking to our as-healthy-as-possible diet. But despair still happens at times.

When it does, you just want to get into bed and hide under the covers. Sources that we trust keep saying this is severe trauma that has to come out. How do you cope when you feel almost paralyzed?

On the other hand, we're covering more job on the job hunting front. We're also trying to always have as mnay options as possible.

Back to the sites.

Fighting for Balance

Here, a rough Friday with lots of dissociating. Now, finally some calm.

One reason? Way too much salt in the diet. Does this mean we have no tolerance at all for salt or spicy stuff? We're not sure.

However, we're still sticking to tiny segments. We're also getting more job leads covered as well. But we still have to censor everything.

Do you cry at night? We do.

Keep Your Focus

How are your symptoms? For us, adrenalin surges are tough to handle. We try a lot of the usual grounding techniques:

deep breathing
stretching
holding onto solid things around you

But at times these don't work. What do you do then?

Are you bombarded with flashbacks? We're fighting to stay aware of what's real and what's not. It's tough to know.

Keep your focus.