Lots of triggers everywhere you look. It's too dangerous to watch TV. Newspapers and online stuff has to be screened.
There's still anger at times from the way lots of people treated us like s**t. And expect us to be superficial and act like life is just great. Instead, we try to just keep a positive balance. Which means no caffeine ESPECIALLY NOW.
Tomorrow I finish my tax stuff. Will I finally get my freaking Bailout check? We'll see.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
We Feel Sad
My multiples and little kid are talking about a lot right now. But we feel sad.
There's a lot of fear at times. How come nobody will listen to us? How come nobody will touch us? We're not bad. We didn't ask to be raped. But NOBODY will EVER touch us or tell us, we're sorry you were raped. Lots of supreficial stuff is ok. But that's going too far and will never happen.
Will anybody ever listen? We've called help lines in the past and were told to f**k off. Lots of people are "abusing our help line for free therapy." And we're sick of it. What then is a "crisis?" Does this mean that again we don't count?
Sometimes we don't know what to do.
There's a lot of fear at times. How come nobody will listen to us? How come nobody will touch us? We're not bad. We didn't ask to be raped. But NOBODY will EVER touch us or tell us, we're sorry you were raped. Lots of supreficial stuff is ok. But that's going too far and will never happen.
Will anybody ever listen? We've called help lines in the past and were told to f**k off. Lots of people are "abusing our help line for free therapy." And we're sick of it. What then is a "crisis?" Does this mean that again we don't count?
Sometimes we don't know what to do.
Balance is the KeyE
Enjoying my iced tea and staying away from triggers as much as possible. The despair still hits at times. But I'm trying everything I can to cope.
Are you surviving ok? What's up in your world? Feel free to comment.
Are you surviving ok? What's up in your world? Feel free to comment.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Is Vitamin D the Answer?
Went shoppinge earlier today and stocked up on Vitamn D. I heard someone talking about it and saying that it can really help balance your seratonin levels. So we'll try it and see how it fits into the rest of the herb mix.
I'm also working on the income streams. There are niches that can be filled. But it's the old content and promotion thing that has to be done as well.
Is there some herb or combination that really helps you out? If so , please post a comment.
I'm also working on the income streams. There are niches that can be filled. But it's the old content and promotion thing that has to be done as well.
Is there some herb or combination that really helps you out? If so , please post a comment.
Friday, March 13, 2009
It Really Is Friday
How's your Friday? Caught up on some new places to apply for the Day Job. The web site and other revenue streams are still being worked on.
But also, there's the anger that still comes out. At times dissociating happens and you have to fight really hard as well. Last night I was SOOOO tired. But everybody keeps saying you have to get it out in the safest way possible.
As for triggers, I'm avoiding them as much as possible. Which means a lot of quiet space. Then again, you do what you have to.
What keeps you balanced right now? Have you found any new herbs that help as well? Post your comments.
But also, there's the anger that still comes out. At times dissociating happens and you have to fight really hard as well. Last night I was SOOOO tired. But everybody keeps saying you have to get it out in the safest way possible.
As for triggers, I'm avoiding them as much as possible. Which means a lot of quiet space. Then again, you do what you have to.
What keeps you balanced right now? Have you found any new herbs that help as well? Post your comments.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
A Rough Day With Anger
Coping ok these days? More fighting anger and dissociaiting today. Also talked to the sister about the economy. And for a second I got really pissed off when she said my brother and father were "concerned" about me during this global meltdown.
What does that mean? I'll never talk to the "parents" again because there's no point. My brother will always be a clone of my father. My sister talks to me about borrowing money. After it took her 6 years to pay back $3,000. And, after she and her husband said f**k it, we don't give as s**t how f****d up you are on meds and PTSD. We'll do anything we have to to get your f*****g money. And now SHE'S talking to ME about BORROWING money? How surreal is this?
So for a second I went off on her. Basically, I was pissed off because of the above. And also the fact that NOBODY(aside from my therapist?) gives a shit. The whole world says go freak out in the corner with your weird ass symptoms. But don't EVER do it around me. And don't EVER think that someone will actually touch you and say I'm sorry you were raped. Just be a f*****g man and suck it up. What the f***'s wrong with you?
But I later made it clear that I will NEVER EVER do anything to jeopordize my balance. And if others can't deal with that, that's their problem.
Do you have rough moments like this?
What does that mean? I'll never talk to the "parents" again because there's no point. My brother will always be a clone of my father. My sister talks to me about borrowing money. After it took her 6 years to pay back $3,000. And, after she and her husband said f**k it, we don't give as s**t how f****d up you are on meds and PTSD. We'll do anything we have to to get your f*****g money. And now SHE'S talking to ME about BORROWING money? How surreal is this?
So for a second I went off on her. Basically, I was pissed off because of the above. And also the fact that NOBODY(aside from my therapist?) gives a shit. The whole world says go freak out in the corner with your weird ass symptoms. But don't EVER do it around me. And don't EVER think that someone will actually touch you and say I'm sorry you were raped. Just be a f*****g man and suck it up. What the f***'s wrong with you?
But I later made it clear that I will NEVER EVER do anything to jeopordize my balance. And if others can't deal with that, that's their problem.
Do you have rough moments like this?
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Another Rough Day
How's your anger these days? Had a rough first half. Ended up having to go out to the parking lot again and scream for an hour to get it out. It's like working out and you have to push REALLY HARD to get past that last rep. But what else can I do?
How do you cope with times like that? What helps you to get this out safely? Please pass on your comments.
How do you cope with times like that? What helps you to get this out safely? Please pass on your comments.
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