Did you make it thru the Big Market Drop today? It was down about 4%. And there's no limit to the bailout. If you print unlimited amounts of cash, the value will go down. When will that point come? Nobody knows. Then again, how can it NOT come?
Really trying hard to stay away from all triggers as much as possible. Just keep a positive balance and moving forward. How are YOU coping?
Monday, March 2, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Fighting to Keep a Sense of Balance
Just finished lunch and trying to focus. I stay off caffeine as much as possible. But still at times it's REALLY HARD to not dissociate. I listen to my multiples and little kid as much as possible. Sometimes though it's still tough.
How do you handle rough times like this? I really try to stay away from triggers. But it's tough when suddenly one hits you by surprise.
How do you handle rough times like this? I really try to stay away from triggers. But it's tough when suddenly one hits you by surprise.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Working Away
Enjoying your weekend? Another day of battling symptoms. Despite using ging seng and other healthy stuff, we still have to fight hard to focus. Sometimes flashbacks come out of nowhere and it's a real battle to not disappear.
At times my multiples and little kid are sad. There's lots of despair and wondering how come the world won't admit we exist? Now because of the global recession/depression, lots of mental health support is being cut back. Many people are being just referred (blown off) because some places just can't be bothered. We're not trained to deal with dissociating. Oh really? This is a rape crisis line. We all know that PTSD comes from a severe trauma like being brutally raped (for both women and guys). So why are you on this line?
Can anybody else explain this?
At times my multiples and little kid are sad. There's lots of despair and wondering how come the world won't admit we exist? Now because of the global recession/depression, lots of mental health support is being cut back. Many people are being just referred (blown off) because some places just can't be bothered. We're not trained to deal with dissociating. Oh really? This is a rape crisis line. We all know that PTSD comes from a severe trauma like being brutally raped (for both women and guys). So why are you on this line?
Can anybody else explain this?
Friday, February 27, 2009
Some Stuff You Need to Know
Have you heard of Johnson Beharry? In the U.K., he's the most highly decorated soldier who's served in Iraq (two Victoria Crosses for bravery). And now, he's taking on the government's treatment of vets who have PTSD and other problems.
How come people have to go years before the government will give them the proper treatment? You could also ask other questions as well. What about guy rape survivors? They are in the military. Which means they have twice as much stress to deal with. Beharry still has problems (and maybe he always will)?
In the States, it's the same thing. And when I hear the media talking about women vets who have PTSD or are rape survivors, I turn it off. Because it's offensive to me and other guy survivors. How come we don't count? How come we're not as important as she is? We have many of the same problems? But because she's a woman, there's more to spin and make money off of? If it's a guy, nobody gives a s**t. So why the f**k should they waste their time?
I called a helpline earlier tonight. In the past they had people who were trained in PTSD. But now, they can't be bothered to deal with PTSD symptoms. Why is that? Because of budget cuts? Is it because they're sick of people "abusing" their line for free therapy. So f**k off and go elsewhere? If you have PTSD symptoms and are having problems, that's a crisis. But obviously, they don't see it that way and just don't care.
I'm reassuring my multiples ad my little kid that it will be ok. They're still terrified at times and wonder why does the world ignore us? We didn't ask to be raped. So how come nobody pays attention? And at times I don't know what to say.
But one aspect is this. We refuse to roll over and die. We have no family and have lost a lot of friends because they couldn't deal with it. But you do what you have to to protect yourself, survive and heal.
How do you deal with feeling ignored?
How come people have to go years before the government will give them the proper treatment? You could also ask other questions as well. What about guy rape survivors? They are in the military. Which means they have twice as much stress to deal with. Beharry still has problems (and maybe he always will)?
In the States, it's the same thing. And when I hear the media talking about women vets who have PTSD or are rape survivors, I turn it off. Because it's offensive to me and other guy survivors. How come we don't count? How come we're not as important as she is? We have many of the same problems? But because she's a woman, there's more to spin and make money off of? If it's a guy, nobody gives a s**t. So why the f**k should they waste their time?
I called a helpline earlier tonight. In the past they had people who were trained in PTSD. But now, they can't be bothered to deal with PTSD symptoms. Why is that? Because of budget cuts? Is it because they're sick of people "abusing" their line for free therapy. So f**k off and go elsewhere? If you have PTSD symptoms and are having problems, that's a crisis. But obviously, they don't see it that way and just don't care.
I'm reassuring my multiples ad my little kid that it will be ok. They're still terrified at times and wonder why does the world ignore us? We didn't ask to be raped. So how come nobody pays attention? And at times I don't know what to say.
But one aspect is this. We refuse to roll over and die. We have no family and have lost a lot of friends because they couldn't deal with it. But you do what you have to to protect yourself, survive and heal.
How do you deal with feeling ignored?
It is Friday, Right?
This blog has to do with one person's fight against PTSD from being repeatedly raped by more than one person. If this bothers you, stop reading now. Otherwise, keep going and thanks for your support.
Had a rough therapy session last night. We used EMDR and a LOT of homicidal anger came out. My therapist thinks that backed up anger is one of the big problems. But we keep telling him that we have to be careful. Because if we're not, we'll get eaten alive.
A lot of symptoms are still there. A stuck fight-or-flight mechanism is still a huge pain. You have to focus and push to get the anger out. As you do you feel like you're going to snap in two. But what else can you do? The despair is there. How come we have to fight this all the time while the rest of the world treats us like s**t? Then again, you do what you have to to protect yourself. And you're not responsible for what others do and say.
What do you do when you feel stuck?
Had a rough therapy session last night. We used EMDR and a LOT of homicidal anger came out. My therapist thinks that backed up anger is one of the big problems. But we keep telling him that we have to be careful. Because if we're not, we'll get eaten alive.
A lot of symptoms are still there. A stuck fight-or-flight mechanism is still a huge pain. You have to focus and push to get the anger out. As you do you feel like you're going to snap in two. But what else can you do? The despair is there. How come we have to fight this all the time while the rest of the world treats us like s**t? Then again, you do what you have to to protect yourself. And you're not responsible for what others do and say.
What do you do when you feel stuck?
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Battling Away
This blog has to do with one person's fight against horrible PTSD from being repeatedly raped by more than one person. If this bothers you, stop reading now. Otherwise, keep going and thanks for the support.
How's your day? Obama's new Budget is $4 trillion. But will we save money by leaving Iraq and Afghanistan? Noooooo. Can't piss off those defense industry corporations that gave him lots of campaign money.
I'm starting to make some money from one of my websites. But I'm still balancing that with finding the new and better job, dealing with symptoms, and more. At times I have to focus really hard to not dissociate. And to stay away from triggers as much as possible.
Does the anger of being raped always stay with you? How do you keep from being eaten alive by it? Sometimes I have to really focus so I don't vanish in lucid dreams where I kill all the m****rf*****s that treated me like s**t. If I don't, I'm afraid that I'll just snap and that's it.
How do you deal with that feeling of the world saying you don't f*****g exist? So just piss off and go away.
How's your day? Obama's new Budget is $4 trillion. But will we save money by leaving Iraq and Afghanistan? Noooooo. Can't piss off those defense industry corporations that gave him lots of campaign money.
I'm starting to make some money from one of my websites. But I'm still balancing that with finding the new and better job, dealing with symptoms, and more. At times I have to focus really hard to not dissociate. And to stay away from triggers as much as possible.
Does the anger of being raped always stay with you? How do you keep from being eaten alive by it? Sometimes I have to really focus so I don't vanish in lucid dreams where I kill all the m****rf*****s that treated me like s**t. If I don't, I'm afraid that I'll just snap and that's it.
How do you deal with that feeling of the world saying you don't f*****g exist? So just piss off and go away.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
How Do You Cope?
This blog deals with one person fighting PTSD from being repeatedly raped by more than one person. If this bothers you, stop reading now. Otherwise, keep going and thanks for the support.
Keeping up these days? Didn't get much sleep last night due to lots of horrible lucid dreams and anger. I had to get in my car and go to an empty parking lot and scream for a few hours to try and get it all out. At times all kinds of thoughts happen:
Why is this happening to me?
How come the whole freaking world can be bothered with me fighting to survive?
How come the sick assholes who laughed in my face, treated me like s**t and raped me still come to mind?
I'm not going to off myself or drink again.
So how come it feels so horrible?
Now finally it seems like there's a little more stability. I don't want to be eaten alive by the anger and dissociating. But literally at times you can't think of one positive thing. Because then billions of flashbacks and dissociating hit. You want to scream, but you're in a crowded store. And you don't want to hide in the bathroom. So what do you do?
I try to keep things compartmentalized to cope. That doesn't mean avoiding the anger. But trying to manage it all. Does this work for you? If you're a guy survivor, are you pissed off that the world doesn't say you exist? You have many of the same problems as a woman survivor does. But they can't be bothered to admit that. Why is that?
Keeping up these days? Didn't get much sleep last night due to lots of horrible lucid dreams and anger. I had to get in my car and go to an empty parking lot and scream for a few hours to try and get it all out. At times all kinds of thoughts happen:
Why is this happening to me?
How come the whole freaking world can be bothered with me fighting to survive?
How come the sick assholes who laughed in my face, treated me like s**t and raped me still come to mind?
I'm not going to off myself or drink again.
So how come it feels so horrible?
Now finally it seems like there's a little more stability. I don't want to be eaten alive by the anger and dissociating. But literally at times you can't think of one positive thing. Because then billions of flashbacks and dissociating hit. You want to scream, but you're in a crowded store. And you don't want to hide in the bathroom. So what do you do?
I try to keep things compartmentalized to cope. That doesn't mean avoiding the anger. But trying to manage it all. Does this work for you? If you're a guy survivor, are you pissed off that the world doesn't say you exist? You have many of the same problems as a woman survivor does. But they can't be bothered to admit that. Why is that?
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